I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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