He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
