We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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