after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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