How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
