It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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