I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
it's like iHOP with fire
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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