Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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