lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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