when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
