shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
