i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
