y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I bet he comes in French.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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