Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
