So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
