I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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