Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
