So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
