i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
