Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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