Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
