As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
