She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i think my cat just said my name.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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