she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize