I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
