I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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