hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
