this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
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I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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