We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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