Everything about him screamed your future.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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