I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
