Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
