Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My dick has a subreddit
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
