Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
