I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
did i just pee glitter
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
