Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
