how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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