Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
