Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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