Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?

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(303): View more from Colorado

My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.

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(815): View more from Illinois

Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.

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(619): View more from California

Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"

(601): View more from Mississippi

God bless us, everyone.

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(219): View more from Indiana

I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt

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(763): View more from Minnesota

I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.

(651): View more from Minnesota

You are a terrible person.

(763): View more from Minnesota

I just try to be optimistic...

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(519): View more from Ontario

She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.

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(785): View more from Kansas

I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play

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