I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
