dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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