Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
