I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
