so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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