So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Watching her eat just hurts me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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