whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
