my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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