Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
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