Please, let me fuck your mom
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
