I hope mine doesn't look like that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
