i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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