i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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