you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
