I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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