he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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