I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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