when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
