apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
