Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
