so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
soo... how was my night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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