I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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