what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
