I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just found a bag of teeth...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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