I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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