Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize