anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
