my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
