I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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